2010 is fast approaching and I find now is the perfect time to reflect upon the past year. Many people ask themselves “How much can really change in a year?” Well… Everything. I’ve ranted about my newfound problems before in this blog, and I have no intention to bother you with those all over again.
Yet, I will talk to you about other things. Just this year, I was very shy and very worried about my self-image. When I say self-image I don’t mean my looks. No, for example, I used to not give a fuck about shaving for weeks but now I shave almost every day. I mean not embarrassing myself in front of others, or doing something that may confuse or upset them. Specifically in a store or restaurant when with other people. If they did something weird or were laughing too loud I’d try to stop it. But now I’m extremely open, I’m extremely carefree when it comes to that stuff. I tend to be the person doing those things now.
I was also very much alone at the turn of 2009. Now, I believe I can say with confidence I am more than loved, and in love. A feeling I’ve never felt before in my life. And it’s the greatest.
So… What does 2010 have in store for me? I don’t know. Everything can change in a year. Everything can change in a flash.
Last night was absolutely amazing. The day was supposed to be set as a miserable one for me but due to fate or what have you, everything ended up being grand.
And then things went in a very different direction that I definitely wasn’t expecting, and something I didn’t think was going to happen for some time ended up happening. And it’s made a mess. And I’m the person who will be cleaning it up and making sure things don’t get worse. I said that’s what I was going to do, and I am going to go through with it.
Last year, my speech/public speaking class professor spoke a lot about empathy. What that has to do with speaking, I don’t really know, but I took what she taught to heart and really tried to go about life putting myself in “everyone else’s shoes.” But that ended with me being hurt a lot by people.
Now, though, I really don’t care. And when I do try to care or show that I care, the people I’m trying to show it to end up reminding me why I stopped being empathetic and started being 90% apathetic. Not giving a fuck is an amazing way to go about life. And I don’t mean in the sense of “Oh, boohoo, no one cares so I don’t care about them.” I’m talking about it in the sense that I generally don’t worry about other people’s problems anymore, just as they generally don’t care about mine. It’s nice. It’s really peaceful and calming. The other 10%, well… I care about you either way.
